Behold The Hideous Xbox One You Can Get With ‘Call Of Duty: Advanced Warfare’

I am not a fan of custom consoles, as a rule. Generally, when nerds are allowed to customize something, whether it’s a console or a van, it generally turns into a monstrosity. And sometimes, these monstrosities are mass-produced. Like this one!


Clearly designed for the people who buy a console to play Call of Duty and nothing else, this particular beast is, well, hideous. People forget that military gear is not designed with aesthetics in mind; it’s purely functional. So coating an Xbox One in black and grey paint, slapping some yellow accents on there, and covering it in Clancy-esque gibberish (complete with QR code!) does not make for an attractive console, and an even uglier controller. Seriously, this thing belongs in a filthy apartment, sitting on the floor in front of a flatscreen that costs more than the furniture that surrounds it.

At Least It’s Useful

As ugly as this thing is, and please, don’t spend $500 on this beast, it does at least come with some decent goodies. For one thing, you get a 1 TB hard drive built in, which is a nice touch that will probably go entirely unused as the people who buy this don’t play video games. It also comes with, as you may have guessed, a free download of the next Call of Duty, where you have jetpacks. It does not come with the Kinect, because everybody hates the Kinect.

Custom Consoles


As you may have guessed, I think it’s a bad idea to spend $500 on a warning symbol that you are trapped in a perpetual adolescence. Unless you are a teenager, in which case, how do you have $500 and why are you spending it on this? Get a car! The gender of your choice will be way more impressed you can drive, even if it is a junker!

Dan Seitz

Dan Seitz is an obsessive nerd living in New England. He lives in the Boston area with a fiancee, a dog, a cat, and far too many objects with processors.

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Back to top button