I was never a great fan of the sport of beer pong, because honestly, if I want to drink beer, I’m not going to huck a ball into a cup of beer. I’m just going to drink the beer. But, everybody has their own fun, and there are reasonable concerns about hygiene when a ball is hitting a dorm room floor on a regular basis. Hence, the Clean Cup.

Clean Yer Balls

It’s a fairly simple tool to use. Built to resemble the bastard spawn of a red Solo cup and a blender, you simply drop your balls into the cup, press a button, and let it do the rest. The Clean Cup hoses the ball down with a load of water, blasts it with air, and spits it back out, ready to be tossed into a small amount of cheap beer nobody would drink if it weren’t for beer pong.

Balls Up

It is actually designed to scrub the ball thoroughly; it even includes a filter that’s reusable and easily removed to catch the nastier bugs. It even is battery-powered and built to be portable, so that you can easily put it on a tabletop and have it scrub down everyone’s balls. Still, there is the valid question of whether you need this.

Air Balls

But how concerned should you be? Well, that depends on how long the ball sits on the floor. Scientists have recently proved the five-second rule correct, but it’s not clear if repeated exposure to what’s reliably one of the nastiest places you can bounce your balls might collect hidden nasties. But really, why risk it? Especially when, for just $65, you get not only proper sanitation, but permission to make an endless litany of tasteless jokes? Not that we’d ever do such a thing, of course.

Dan Seitz

Dan Seitz is an obsessive nerd living in New England. He lives in the Boston area with a fiancee, a dog, a cat, and far too many objects with processors.