As we all know, Apple decided that taste was for people who didn’t want to try and take some control of aftermarket modifications, and put out the iPhone 5S in, barf, gold. But as tacky as it was, at least it put to rest those unconscionably ugly and wasteful gold-plated iPhones that announced the owner had more money than sense. Or, alas, so we thought.

Behold, The iPhone 5S For People With More Money Than Sense!

Or at least that’s what Goldgenie is hoping, as they’ve just introduced an iPhone 5S in gold, platinum, and rose gold. What, you might ask, have they done to modify these phones beyond plating some metal onto the cases? Why, nothing! Absolutely nothing!

OK, so you get a pretty cherry wood box to go with your $3300 phone. But that’s it.

Why We’re So Contemptuous

Leaving aside, for a moment, the question of taste, the simple fact of the matter is that next year, there will be a new iPhone, and this will promptly become a gold-plated paperweight for most of the people buying it. Why would you spend the cost of five iPhones to own one that’s had some precious metal slapped onto it. More to the point, why would you when it essentially looks fake, no matter what you do? Would you believe anybody who told you they had a gold iPhone? Heck, even if you did, would you find that remotely impressive? We guess pickpockets would be interested, but that’s not really a selling point.

Tacky, Tacky, Tacky


It’s unlikely you’ll see a lot of these in the wild; the natural habitat of the gold iPhone seems, so far, to be the purses of teenage girls who think they’re Regina George and next to a blowout as its user buys steroids in the mall. But, hey, pickpockets of the world, you’ve finally got a new brass ring.

Dan Seitz

Dan Seitz is an obsessive nerd living in New England. He lives in the Boston area with a fiancee, a dog, a cat, and far too many objects with processors.