iPhone docks are very, very common now, largely thanks to the utter ubiquity of Apple products. So, if you’re the kind of person who likes to stand out, instead of somebody who likes portability, what do you do? How about buying the biggest, loudest iPhone dock you can find, like the Wall of Sound?
No Kill Like Overkill
The Wall of Sound is designed to live up to its name. To start with, there are forty-four, count ‘em, forty-four speakers packed into this thing. And that’s not counting the fact that it has two subwoofers and a tube amp built into the thing. All of that adds up to 8,000 watts of sound. It also means that this thing is the size of a piece of furniture, but if we had you at 8,000 watts of sound, we’re just guessing subtlety isn’t your “thing.”
Monkey Heads For Safety
In fact, this thing is so loud, it’s potentially a hazard. To keep people from going deaf, because that’s actually a real risk with this massive sonic cannon, there’s a monkey head installed in the top of the box with glowing eyes. Blue means the sound is at safe levels, golden eyes means you’re pushing it, and red means there’s risk of permanent hearing loss. Keep it up for five minutes and the monkey head literally pops out of the top of the cabinet and will have to be replaced before you can play any more music.
Oh, and the volume goes to eleven. Because of course it does.
Obnoxious In Many Ways
In reality, there’s almost no situation in which you actually need a cabinet like this. And being handmade, this particular iPhone dock is not cheap; you’re going to have to shell out at least $6,900 to get this in your home. How much you’ll have to shell out for a hearing aid will be up to you.
Dan Seitz is an obsessive nerd living in New England. He lives in the Boston area with a fiancee, a dog, a cat, and far too many objects with processors.