I grew up reading Superman comics in the ’80s. I see art from Dan Jurgens or Jon Bogdanove and I immediately get all misty. So, being a huge dweeb, I found this breakdown of what it costs to be Superman to be fascinating. But, being a huge dweeb, I also have a few objections.

Let’s start with the most basic: According to the research done, Superman spends about $8555 on being Clark Kent, which is actually a fairly realistic total on a reporter’s salary. The bulk of that is actually sending money home to Ma, which actually makes sense, although it’s not like the guy needs to use a wire service; in fact he probably doesn’t. The next cost is suits and other clothing items: Clark has to leave his suits lying around in various locations, so it’s likely he’s replacing them on a fairly regular basis.

I do, however, have some objections to other items on the list, starting with protein bars. First of all, Superman doesn’t need to eat. He’s basically a plant, powered by the Sun. He’s also got a super-metabolism, so he can pretty much eat whatever he wants for pleasure.

Secondly, Superman does not use hair products. I don’t say this because the idea of Superman using hairspray enrages the nerd in me. In reality, Superman has made a litany of questionable decisions about his hair over the years, like that awful Supermullet he sported in the ’90s. No, it’s a scientific question: This is a guy who flies at supersonic speeds and his hair is always perfect. Nothing has that kind of hold. Forget off-the-shelf products, if Superman is using anything to style, it’s probably adhesives they use on fighter planes.

"Maybe I should get a razor? OH WAIT I DON'T NEED ONE!"

“Maybe I should get a razor? OH WAIT I DON’T NEED ONE!”

In other words, it’s not a bad idea, but they needed to do more research. But hey, unlike Gilette, they got his method of shaving right.

Dan Seitz

Dan Seitz is an obsessive nerd living in New England. He lives in the Boston area with a fiancee, a dog, a cat, and far too many objects with processors.