You know, there are moments where, as I’m bathing myself, I say “This is entertaining, I suppose, but it would be vastly improved with the addition of bright red plastic soap dispensers shaped like a firearm.” Which is an extremely specific and odd thing to think to yourself, but hey, I’m weird. Also gratified, now that the Shower Gun is on hand to turn cleaning into a potentially gritty, dark endeavor.
The Shower Gun is, as you might expect, a plastic soap dispenser shaped like a gun. Fortunately, it’s also bright red so you, or someone else, doesn’t assume that you’re showering in the nude with a firearm, thus avoiding some very annoying interventions about your paranoia. You simply fill it with the “blood red” bath gel, get in the shower, and unload on yourself. They recommend avoiding the eyes.
It even comes with a holster, although you’ll have to find the shoulder straps yourself to wear this around the house with no shirt like Burt Reynolds. Also, you’ll need to grow a bitchin’ mustache for that to work. Just saying.
Personally, though, I’m just wondering how long it’ll be before somebody complains this is in poor taste. As utterly harmless as this is, we live in a humorless world these days, and, well, it is a gun you shoot yourself with, even if it only dispenses soap. I got an angry email in my inbox the other day for writing about how you shouldn’t talk in movie theaters. There was somebody who was actually offended I called something he did on a regular basis rude, and he actually took the time to write me an email about it. We live in a world where somebody you don’t know will find you and get huffy at you for no good reason.
Maybe he could use a Shower Gun. I’ll ask him if he wants one. Surely that can’t go wrong!
Dan Seitz is an obsessive nerd living in New England. He lives in the Boston area with a fiancee, a dog, a cat, and far too many objects with processors.