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There are many, many items that no sane person would spend money on unless they had Scrooge McDuck-sized piles of it to waste, and that person’s web store of choice is Hammacher Schlemmer. So what’s the latest idea they have for people who have too much cash and not enough sense? How about a massive clamshell that bakes you?

That’s the idea behind the Infrared Supine Sauna, which is basically a giant clamshell that cooks you slightly. No, really. The idea is that you climb into this thing, with your head sticking out of it, pull closed the shell, and then get blasted with heat.

Specifically the idea is to use four infrared lamps to increase your internal temperature by up to two degrees in order to relieve swelling and relax joints and tendons. It’s even laid out so that you put your legs above your heart, a “relaxing” position. If, for some reason, blasting yourself with heat to cure your muscle aches in a giant clamshell isn’t quite excessive enough for you, the inside is also layered with 440 jade stones.

First of all, we can’t help but wonder if this is really a product actually being manufactured, or just a repurposed prop from the old Batman TV show. Because it really, really sounds like one, right down to the heating elements and the clamshell shape. It’s the kind of thing the Penguin would use.

Secondly, this doesn’t really seem all that, you know, safe. Overheating yourself is pretty dangerous, as any doctor can tell you, and while a warming sensation does undeniably feel pleasant, the jury is out as to whether this is actually helping you or hurting you.

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On the other hand, most of us will never know what it’s like anyway: This beast costs $14,000. Hey, jade is not cheap.



Dan Seitz

 
Dan Seitz is an obsessive nerd living in New England. He lives in the Boston area with a fiancee, a dog, a cat, and far too many objects with processors.