Ah, is there anything more adorable than a teddy bear? Well, yes, when that teddy bear is calling you various obscenities in the voice of Seth MacFarlane. Yep, Ted has a mug of his very own, and it’s pretty much exactly what you’d expect.
The mug itself is a fairly straightforward product: It’s ceramic, you put hot liquids in it, you sip from it. The magic, so to speak, happens when you lift it up: Every time you do so, it’ll fire off one of five phrases from the movie, all of which involve a creative mix of profanity.
Unlike a lot of talking novelties, this one won’t eventually wear out its unchangeable batteries and just become a mug; you can easily swap out the 3LR44 batteries and continue to amuse and annoy the people around you with a huggable object calling them a rectum.
Our question, though, is whether this goes far enough. Really, if you’re going to bring something like this to the workplace, and use it regularly, you’ve gone beyond the point of trying to amuse other people. You’re pretty much deliberately going out of your way to get on people’s nerves.
So why not make this part of a whole suite of talking Ted products? The Ted office chair can make fart noises and complain about how heavy you are. The Ted copier can randomly insert photos of teddy bear ass into those reports you need to get on your boss’ desk ASAP. The Ted pen can make suggestive remarks about genitalia while you’re trying to fill out an expense report.
Until we get to this better, more profane world, you’ll just have to settle for the mug. It’s currently available for $18. We have no data on how much you’ll have to bribe HR to be allowed to use it at your desk.
Dan Seitz is an obsessive nerd living in New England. He lives in the Boston area with a fiancee, a dog, a cat, and far too many objects with processors.