Google Glass

Google Hand-Picks $1500 Buyers of Google Glass Cyborg Beta

The words “surgical insertion” are not usually greeted with open arms … and, well, minds. However, at Google headquarters Thursday, 8000 individuals showed up for orientation, sizing, and “interference abatement” for the first beta version of Google Glass Cyborg (GGC), the new minimally-invasive surgical implant by Google. The 8000 volunteers included notables Oprah Winfrey, Justin Bieber, and Bill Gates.

The Cyborg version of Google Glass will not be available for public use until 2016, explained Google cofounder Sergey Brin. Brin made the announcement outside a robot factory in Baoding, China.

Plans for the project are far-reaching but patient. Brin explained, “Surgery on all humans on the planet would take 14 years, so even if Cyborg is completely successful, that transition won’t be complete until 2030.”

As for now, Google doctors will implant Google Glass in a 15-minute procedure for each of the 8,000 “patients.” Rather than using medical doctors, Google will use its own team of experts to perform the surgeries, all of whom have an Associates of Science (AS) degree in robotics.

“Because this surgery is so simple, we didn’t think it made sense to involve the medical establishment, especially since this is an optional procedure,” said Brin. “It’s as simple as changing a light bulb, just messier.”

According to Brin, integration of Google technology into the human mind will optimize all a person’s thoughts both for search engines and social media (through Google’s Facebook competitor, Google+). Having the surgery will filter the mind for quality content, increasing efficiency and automating creativity.

“We’re excited!” he said. “Organic search will take on a new meaning as the Web gradually becomes more biologically based.”

Kent Roberts

Kent Roberts is a writer and father. He has contributed to numerous publications, including The Onion (regularly) and Laugh Lines (The NY Times). His website is He lives in St. Petersburg, Florida.