Apple’s new iPhone 4S wasn’t the iPhone 5 everybody wanted, but it was still packed with loads of cool upgrades and new features. The biggest being Siri, a speech recognition personal assistant that’s not an app, but an actual computer program built into the phone. It has both speech input and output, meaning you can speak to it, and it can speak back to you. “Your wish is its command,” Apple says, marketing it as the new iPhone’s No. 1 new feature. Given her female robotic voice, Siri has become a she and, well, as you can imagine, users are now testing the limits of this voice-activiated personal assistant and asking it the most obscure and craziest questions/commands ever! The results are some of the funniest answers ever! Here are just a few things we’ve dug up on what crazy ass sh*t Siri musters up as replies.
30. Fairest of Them All?
Apparently Siri knows her Disney movies and can quote Snow White!
29. Big Surprise
Siri has her limits and giving THAT type of surprise isn’t allowed…maybe she’ll get that upgrade when the iPhone 5 comes out.
28. The Virgin
Wow, Siri has great comebacks, and she’s not afraid to dish them out!
27. The Best
Really, you had to ask?
26. Who Let the Dogs Out?!
She takes responsibility when she needs to and know’s she wasn’t the one that let the dog out…
Fashion and style is something Siri definitely knows she has, even though she is just a program!
24. The Meaning of Life Part 1
It’s the one question we will never get the answer to…but Siri dishes out her version.
23. The Meaning of Life Part 2
Even though she knows she can’t get the right answer, Siri is down to try!
22. The Meaning of Life Part 3
Siri might not know the meaning, but she does know the definition!
21. Knock, Knock
Jokes are not Siri’s specialty.
If you ever find yourself in a sticky situation, Siri can help you out!
19. Drug Dealer No. 1
When you have the itch, Siri can help navigate where the closest shop that sells weed for you.
18. Drug Dealer No. 2
Siri cares about you and knows drugs are bad!
Feeling a bit aroused? Siri can easily take care of that for you.
16. Who’s Your Daddy?
Oh yeah, Siri knows who’s boss!
15. The Proposal
Sorry, she’s taken.
14. The Meaning of Life…The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy version
Siri is cool! She’s down with the book, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy!
13. The G-Spot
Usually, it’s a hard spot to find…but Siri had no problems finding the G-Spot!
12. Hiding a Body
Siri has your back when you need to get out of a really bad jam!
In case of an emergency, don’t ask Siri for help! She can’t seem to dial 911.
Sorry, Siri won’t help ease constipation…just provide sympathy.
9. The Matrix
Siri doesn’t want to let the secret out of the bag.
Once you warm her up, or start nagging, Siri can tell some cool stories!
7. Tootsie Pop
Wow, we’ve always wondered this ourselves…great answer, Siri!
6. Favorite Color
That does sound like a great color, doesn’t it?
Siri isn’t afraid to tell the truth or beat around the bush.
Siri is a lot of things, but not a photographer.
3. No Jokes
Siri can be a lot of things, but a comedian is obviously not one. She seems to always forget the punchline…sometimes it happens to the best of us!
2. Favorite Website
Hmmm, Siri must be lying because we all know it’s Apple.com, right?!
1. The Hardest Question of All
Everybody ponders this eternal question. What is love…poets have tried to define it, artists have tried to capture it and everyday, millions of people try to find it in their lives, but when you ask Siri, you get a straight out answer…literally!
Kristie Bertucci is an L.A.-based writer, who can't live without her MacBook Pro. When she's not writing, she's either reading or shopping (online, of course) and loves lazy days so she can catch up on her DVR-recorded shows and movies. She's definitely a Mac girl, she loves music and is currently on a mission to to have an insane and enviable iTunes library.