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Society as we know it is now officially doomed.  Please find your exits located to the left and right of the auditorium and drive safely.

You might wonder what inspired my greatest hyperbole to date…well, when I read about the ROXXXY unit, described as the “world’s first life-size robot girlfriend”, that was when I knew it was safe to bust out hyperbole on the most epic of scales.

With all the pomp and circumstance of CES going on over in Las Vegas right now, well, some of you may have forgotten about the AEE–the Adult Entertainment Expo.  Last I knew, G4 liked to chain coverage of the two together.

And one of the biggest things to emerge from that show is the ROXXXY unit, a robot with artificial intelligence and “flesh-like synthetic skin”.  In development for nearly twenty years, the ROXXXY stands five foot seven, weighs a hundred and twenty pounds, and is “a full C cup”.  When interviewed about the ROXXXY, president of TrueCompanion, the company that manufactures the unit, said:

“She can’t vacuum, she can’t cook but she can do almost anything else if you know what I mean. She’s a companion. She has a personality. She hears you. She listens to you. She speaks. She feels your touch. She goes to sleep. We are trying to replicate a personality of a person.”

There’s no word on when the ROXXXY will be available, or how much she’ll cost, but the Dilbert strip keeps ringing in my head:

“When virtual reality becomes cheaper than dating, society is doomed.”

Welcome to the beginning of the end, folks.